Pearl of the Day 
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A Self-Esteem Boost
July 23, 2010
Long-time readers of the Pearl of the Day know today's Pearl to be true, but a little reinforcement is a good thing. If you're new to the Pearl, this is a great time of the year to experience this message. Yesterday I walked into a meeting and one of the participants was about as unfriendly and dour as you will see. She was overweight, had some unfortunate facial pigmentation issues, and her personal presentation was not good. I very quickly attributed her attitude to a weakened self-esteem.
Here is what I did throughout the day to show her that I cared about her as a human being. Remember, the first principle of Outfluence is to focus on the needs of other people with whom you come into contact before focusing on your own needs. It can be as simple as acknowledging them with a few kind words and a nice smile. So the first thing that I did was stand, walk up to her, offer my hand and my smile and I introduced myself.
Throughout the day whenever she spoke or I had interaction with her directly I looked her in the eye, focused only on her and treated her as an equal. I respected her. I did my best to offer humor, most of it self-deprecating. By the end of our time together, I was able to coax a beautiful smile out of her that lit up her eyes. If she learns to lead with her appealing smile and sparkling eyes, her imperfections (which she will notice we all have) will give way to the light of her countenance.
Life signs – look for the opposite silent message in the signs. Where the outward sign says unfriendly, the silent sign may be poor self-esteem. That triggers the need for Outfluence.
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Carnegie's ConundrumThe difference between Influence and Outfluence.
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Turtles and Outfluence |
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Under the Shell
Outfluence is comprised of your outward actions, your appearance, and your mannerisms. When used properly, they convey an immediate conception of you to others. I compare the actions of someone who outfluences to a turtle coming out of his shell. Both occur silently.
A turtle has an outer shell. If the integrity of the shell is
compromised, it will completely hinder its ability to survive. It is
the turtle’s shell which allows it to be exactly what it is, and to
live, and to get around in its world. Without its shell, a turtle
would not exist. Similarly, we as humans have an outer “shell”. This
is what I see as Outfluence. Our appearance, actions and manners allow
us to get along in our world. Some people have better “shells” than
others. Our appearance and our mannerisms are vital to our success. When we use them to our advantage, we are able to make good impressions, and allow others to view us in a positive way. However, when we don’t take advantage of our outer “shell” it is all too easy to use “it” in a way that will hinder our success. We can very easily make an impression that is quickly forgotten, or worse, is disliked, if we don’t use our Outfluence manners. Our posture, eye contact, appearance, and conversation are important to reaching our goals, just as the turtle’s shell is important to its existence. The turtle’s shell is like a snowflake in that no two are alike. They come in different sizes, shapes, colors, and patterns. In the same way, humans are all different in our actions. While turtles are from the same genre of species, it is their shell that allows us to view them individually. The same is true for humans. Our different backgrounds, upbringings, and life experiences help to set us apart from everyone else in this world. There are no two humans that are exactly alike. As I reflect on Outfluence, it is helpful for me to visualize the turtle and the unique shell which it possesses that allows it to be successful in life. I hope that I, like the turtle, will use my “shell” to help me attain my goals, and live a life that allows others to view me as an individual, and someone who they would like to have in their circle of friends. By Kris Hayes |
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